


Christmas Memories

by SheilaPaulson



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Smarm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10351548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheilaPaulson/pseuds/SheilaPaulson
Summary: Third season, not long after "Forever In A Day"On a planet that celebrates Christmas, Daniel and Jack must try to come to terms with their ghosts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Stargate SG-1 | Gen Fanfiction | Christmas Memories

##  Christmas Memories 

##### Written by Sheila Paulson   
Comments? Write to us at [venkie@aol.com](mailto:venkie@aol.com)

"Whoever designed the Stargate system sure must have loved pine trees."

Jack O'Neill stopped on the ramp as the Gate closed behind them and stared out at the picture-postcard world. Clad in cold weather gear, the team gazed out at a scene that would have been right at home on a Christmas card. It couldn't have been designed more perfectly if it had been planned that way: the distant, snow-crowned mountains soaring up to meet an achingly blue sky, the valley opening out before them with its pines, their branches decorated with snow, the frozen lake placed in exactly the perfect spot. All it needed was ice skaters twirling around to the 'Skater's Waltz', a big fire to warm them after their axels, and a group of Dickens-era carolers belting out a chorus of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen."

Sam Carter drew an enraptured breath. "It looks just like Christmas," she breathed.

Carter was the official Christmas elf of the team, dragging the men off for Christmas shopping, making sure everybody came to all the official and unofficial parties on the base and off for the holidays, ensuring that no one was glum. Jack suspected that her Christmases had been pretty lean after her mother had died; the remaining Carters had gone through the motions after that. But she'd remembered good Christmases and longed for them, even though she'd probably said nothing to Jacob about them.

Made Jack wonder if Jacob still celebrated Christmas now that he was blended with Selmac. Hard to imagine a Tok'ra Christmas party. Maybe out there, doing his Tok'ra thing, Jacob still missed the holiday. And here was Carter, spending another Christmas away from her old man.

Teal'c, of course, didn't come by the tradition naturally. Even after three previous years with SG-1, two previous Christmases, he probably didn't quite have a handle on it. After they'd gotten him dressed as Santa the first year to help get through to Daniel, who was missing Sha're and Abydos, he entered into the spirit of it as well as he could, although he became quite inventive at avoiding donning the red suit and beard. He gave gifts that were creative and well-chosen, and he participated in the festivities, but at Christmas, he still seemed a bit of an outsider.

And then there was Daniel. This year, Sha're was really gone, and it was final. No chance of finding her and driving out her Goa'uld. Daniel had made a brief pilgrimage to Abydos to visit her grave only last week and had come back silent and remote. Look at him now, standing there gazing at the holiday vista with as much horror as he would have regarded a squadron of armed Jaffa ready to take pot shots at them. He'd been a real bah-humbug kind of guy lately and Jack had meant to do something about it, but it wasn't as if Christmas was a joy for him, either. Christmas _always_ reminded him of Charlie, of those Christmas mornings when his son had come and bounced in on Jack and Sarah in bed to drag them up to open gifts, his eyes wide with wonder and joy. It had been a long, long time since Jack had felt anything like that wonder for himself at this time of year. He'd had good moments, quiet contentment, companionship with his team, but those Christmases when he still had Charlie and Sarah seemed to belong to someone else.

_And a big bah humbug to all of us_ , Jack thought sourly. Except that Carter's delight deserved an answer.

"It is a beautiful world, Major Carter," Teal'c remarked to fill the silence. "And it does, indeed, resemble a traditional Christmas scene."

"Yeah," Jack pitched in. Carter's face demanded response. "So, what about the locals? Aren't they supposed to be friendly?"

The 'locals' were the cause of much excitement back at the base because they had been brought from Earth so incredibly recently that it made everyone back at the SGC a little crazy. They had only been on P4K-250 for about a hundred years, and before that, they had been in England. Daniel had plunged into computer research almost with relief and had come up with an entire village in the Chilterns that had disappeared one day back in 1892. Neighboring villages had come and found it empty of people, even of livestock. Six hundred people, gone without a trace. It had passed into local legend, never explained until now. Daniel had been incredibly frustrated to find no further evidence of a Goa'uld visit at that time and there had been a lot of speculation as to whether the people of Davies Drift had been removed by some other wandering aliens on a whim. The fact that, once deposited on P4K-250, they had been left alone and never visited by Goa'uld or Jaffa strengthened this possibility. Oral tradition didn't make it very clear, either. The people knew who they were, knew where they had come from, and had arrived through the Stargate from a ship that had a gate on board. They knew they were on a different world because the stars in the night sky were different and the plants and animals varied, but they didn't understand. They knew they couldn't be on the moon for there was no Earth in their night sky, only two small satellites. If the Goa'uld had brought them here, their purpose was unknown. They had thrived here, so incredibly well that some of the base scientists were speculating on the healthy air and soil of the planet and wanting to send teams to perform analysis, investigation of the locals' diet, and anything else that might tell them why the colonists had done so well.

"Yes, they're supposed to be friendly," Daniel said quickly. "They were expecting us--and here they come." He gestured to the right. Out of the trees, along the path that led to the village, came a dozen people, garbed like Victorians, well, Victorians in homespun. They'd done their best with the world here, Daniel had said when he'd gone over the preliminary reports. They didn't come from one of the ancient civilizations that fascinated him so much, but he was still intrigued. Jack had been glad of that. Anything to get his own Daniel back in place of the quiet, brooding stranger was good, even if were a handful of Victorians on a Christmas planet.

The leader of the people here was called the Mayor. His name was Sam Burgess, and he was fifty, jowly, with bushy side whiskers, and thick black eyebrows. He bustled forward with the rest of the welcoming committee just behind him and energetically pumped all their hands. "Welcome, welcome people of Earth. You have come just in time for the celebration. We are delighted to share it with you."

Carter caught Jack's eye. She'd picked up on it just like he had. The celebration was separate from their arrival. It hadn't been thrown together on their behalf.

Daniel figured that, too. "We're glad to be here, Mr. Mayor. What is the nature of your celebration?"

Burgess' face fell. "Do not tell me you do not have it on Earth any longer? Surely that cannot be? Why, it's Christmas. Even here, far away across the stars, we still live as we lived at home. We're roasting a giant goose for you. Well, we call it a goose, though it is not quite the same as it is at home. There is fruitcake and puddings and a yule log and a wassail bowl. The carolers are waiting to serenade you." He looked at them imploringly. "We want to share Christmas with our brothers. And sister," he added hastily to Carter.

Her face lit with delight. "We celebrate Christmas," she said hastily. "We thought your world looked so beautiful, just right for the season. We didn't know the time would be the same here."

A lean, angular man just behind the mayor spoke up. He had a lugubrious voice like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, but he had the light of intelligence in his eyes. "We've made a study. This world is remarkably like Earth. It's year is almost identical, slightly longer, but the seasons match. We simply adjusted our calendar to compensate, but we kept a separate calendar for home. The days are slightly longer, too, so the calculations are often complex, but those of us with a bent for mathematics and the sciences have studied very hard. It so happens that, this year, the two worlds match the most closely they have in a long, long time. It's fitting that you come to us now, this year."

"This is Hilary Croft," the mayor introduced him. "Our scientific advisor." He turned to a slightly plump little man with tufts of white hair sticking up around his bald dome. "This is Nigel Wellington, our historian. He is eager to speak with historians from Earth. But that can wait. Come. Come. The feast awaits us. Together we shall dine and sing the old songs, and you must teach us new ones."

Carter spoke hastily. "We'd be delighted, Mr. Mayor."

Daniel didn't look delighted. He looked trapped. But he composed his face into one of polite acceptance, and his eyes withdrew. Jack felt a sudden urge to shake him into awareness. Daniel had been the one to help him get through the loss of Charlie, not that it ever went away. But he'd helped Jack learn that he could be all right again after the tragedy. There had to be a way to get Daniel to come to the same realization. Grief had its own timetable, and it was individual. Jack knew that. But he hated to see Daniel looking so solemn when there was a big party on.

They fell into step with the welcome party. Teal'c caught O'Neill's eye and glanced at Daniel. Jack could read the Jaffa's look. Here was a party Daniel couldn't get out of. Maybe it would do him good. Jack hoped so. He just didn't know if it would work.

*****

The village looked like something right out of _A Christmas Carol_. All the people in their Victorian garb and the buildings they'd erected to resemble what they'd known back home suited the mood perfectly. Wreaths of holly hung on doorways, and a pond in the center of the town square was full of children skating, long scarves trailing as they swooped around the ice on rough, home-made skates that were tied to their shoes. The lack of Olympic figure skating equipment didn't cut their enthusiasm one whit. When they saw SG-1, they swooped to the side of the ice and their treble voices raised in a chorus of 'Merry Christmases.' Daniel winced.

Jack edged up to him. "Come on, Daniel, play nice. We've got an image to uphold here."

The archaeologist nodded once, his mouth tight. After a second, he forced a smile for the children.

Carter plunged in, greeting them all, and wound up with several of them flinging eager arms around her waist. Teal'c, bigger and intimidating to look at, made them hesitate a moment, but he dutifully returned the greeting of the season and a couple of the older boys edged up to him and began to tell him about their skating. A father of a boy their age, he listened appropriately and made comments. Jack didn't hear what he said but the boys glowed under the attention.

Jack found him surrounded, too, by the younger boys. One of them looked up at him with big blue eyes and a look of Charlie about him and it was all Jack could do not to emulate Daniel's Scroogelike attitude, but he pulled himself together. This boy didn't know about Charlie, and he didn't need to have his first encounter with Earth people remind him of the Grinch. Well, the Grinch hadn't been created until after these folks were taken from Earth. So Jack smiled and listened to the piping voices as they enumerated their plans for the holiday and their hopes for Father Christmas.

Even so, Jack noticed the child that approached Daniel. Like Jackson, she wore glasses, one of the few who did. She was tall, maybe sixteen, and Jack could see the start of a crush in the glowing smile she gave the archaeologist. Startled, Daniel produced a tentative smile.

"I'm Martha Croft," she introduced herself. "My father is our chief scientist, and I love science, too. There are ruins here; someone lived on this world before we came. My father said you were the archaeologist." She pronounced the word carefully. "I didn't know what that was before your first team came, but they explained it to me. Until then, I didn't know that what I wanted to do with my life was real and not just a dream."

Daniel looked startled. "I didn't know there were ruins here," he said. Bad sign. Jack had read the report, and while the mention of the alien ruins had been fleeting, it had been there. It wasn't so much that Daniel wasn't fully prepared for the mission; Jack didn't have the heart to berate him when he was so down. But it bothered him that not even that intriguing mention had pulled him out of his slump.

"They're big," Martha said. "And they're made of something we don't have. It's not really a metal. We had to think really hard when we first came and pool all our knowledge and build and invent like mad. We didn't know if we'd ever go home, but we didn't want to turn into savages. We lived in the ruins at first because they were sheltered. My father and Elder Wellington will tell you about it. He studies history, but mostly it's the history of our home when we lived on Earth and the history of our people since we came here. I want to know who was here first. Will you help me?" Wide brown eyes gazed appealingly at Daniel.

"Not now, Martha," her father chided. His eyes twinkled, belying the glum lines of his face. "Give him time to breathe. It's enough to learn that your interest is real and legitimate back on Earth. Perhaps you can talk to Doctor Jackson after the feast."

"I hope so." She gazed up into Daniel's eyes, her own full of hope and hero worship. Daniel blinked at her in astonished surprise.

"Yes, I'd like to talk to you," he said, and Jack heaved a slight sigh of relief to realize that he meant it.

Somehow, Martha contrived to sit beside Daniel at the feast. Jack and Carter were placed on either side of the Mayor, Teal'c sat beside the historian, and Daniel found himself on Jack's side of the table, surrounded by the Crofts. Waiters brought in platters with the goose, five separate birds, all a little bigger than geese back home, but the savory aroma was the same. Cups of hot spiced ale were passed around, and even the younger children had their share. The whole settlement wasn't present; there were too many people to fit in the vast meeting hall. The Mayor said that everyone had drawn lots and a hundred people had won the privilege of dining with the visitors from Earth. They considered it a great honor.

"Someday," Mayor Burgess said, "I should like to visit England, to see the place we came from."

"Would you go back to live there?" Carter asked, interested. Jack frowned. The sudden arrival of a huge settlement of people so far out of date would require a lot more explanations than he was sure the SGC or the United States government was prepared to make.

"Hmm, an interesting question, Major. I don't think so. This is home now. I wouldn't object to a visit, but I know from the things we have seen, your weapons, your tools, the device that came through to survey the planet, that you are in advance of us. For a long time, we had to struggle to maintain the status quo, to learn how to do what existed in our time but that which our people didn't know. We couldn't build railway locomotives, for instance, or huge woolen mills. We took two decades to come up with a rough printing press, and even it is far less efficient than the ones our ancestors knew. We were lucky in that some of us had books with us, and that the squire was brought along. He was a very learned man who had studied at Oxford University."

"You've thrived here," Carter continued. "With so few of you, that must have been difficult."

"We quickly learned that this planet is remarkable," Burgess continued. "Everything grows here. The climate in this part of the world is ideal for growing things. The winter season is short, the summer long, the soil rich. Even the very air is healthy. Few are ever ill here, at least after the first few seasons when we caught many illnesses. But we healed of them very quickly. And we found tools and equipment in the ruins. Farming implements, even stores of seeds, sealed away. Crops had grown here, but for years this planet had been abandoned."

"Most likely for a century or two," put in Wellington. "The seeds were contained in a chamber that was sealed against the very air. A vacuum. Everything was still good. It was as if the original settlers had left it for us."

"We didn't know about the Stargate then," Croft put in. "I mean, of course we knew that we had come through it, but we didn't know how to make it work. The device that controls it was a mystery to us. You call it the Dial Home Device, I believe. A means of setting it to go home. If we had learned, perhaps we could have returned to Earth."

"Not then," Carter said. "We had no Gate to receive you at that time."

"So your original team informed us," the Mayor said. "We did find several worlds, through experimentation, but on one of them we learned of the Goa'uld, learned that they were likely the ones to bring us here. We still don't know why, don't understand why they abandoned us for more than a hundred years."

"That puzzles us, too," Daniel ventured. He paused when someone passed him a bowl of something that looked a lot like yellow potatoes, and absently dished some of it onto his plate. "I can't think they did it on a whim."

Wellington jumped in again. "We feared at first that we had been brought here to preserve the species. A 'wild beast' preserve, in a sense. We feared those powerful enough to travel between worlds might have the ability to destroy Earth but that they might want to save some of us for study. We long feared that the Earth was gone."

"You have seen no Goa'uld on this world?" Teal'c asked.

The Mayor shook his head. "No, never. We don't always watch the Stargate, of course, not after so little activity. We trade a bit but cautiously. Most of those out there are more advanced that we, but we found another two worlds that are much at our level, and we trade with them. They are humans, like we are, but away from Earth far longer, millennia. They have only a vague oral tradition, and we had to learn to speak to each other. Our settlement is very small here. But we grow wonderful grain and that is always in demand. In exchange, we have traded for items we find it difficult to produce. Martha's spectacles came from away. We cannot tune them so finely."

Daniel glanced at the girl's glasses. She promptly pulled them off and offered them to Daniel. He held them up and looked through them, and the next thing he knew, Martha had his on and was grinning at him owlishly. Daniel tried hers on, and squinted at her while Carter hid a smile and her father beamed at her. They traded back quickly.

The goose was delicious. As people started to eat, a reverent hush fell over the diners as they savored the meal. Realizing group conversation was not encouraged during the actual eating, SG-1 fell in and complied with local custom. Apparently it was permitted to exchange brief small talk with those on either side because when Martha started talking earnestly to Daniel between bites, her father did not look disapproving. The mayor himself kept asking Jack and Carter how they liked their dinner and throwing in the odd question about modern-day Earth.

The little boy who looked like Charlie kept waving at Jack. He was proud as he could be to have a place at the main table. Jack knew he couldn't squash the boy's delight, so he returned the waves. The kid didn't really look that much like Charlie. He was just the same age, with the same delight in the season Jack's son had possessed. He was remembering those early Christmases all too vividly.

As for Daniel, had he ever had good Christmases? Sam had, before her mother's death. Teal'c didn't miss what was not part of his culture. But these people loved Christmas. Martha didn't appear to have a mother; at least there was no one who seemed to fill that role for her. Yet she and her father appeared companionable, and would lean forward to exchange smiles around Daniel.

"I love Christmas," Martha told Daniel confidingly. "Don't you? We're so glad you have Christmas still, back on Earth. After we eat, we'll show you our Manger. We all have Church after the meal. It's beautiful. We sing the Christmas hymns. What's your favorite hymn? Mine's Silent Night. Do you know that one, Daniel?"

"Uh, yes. We have it, too. I, uh, like that one."

"Do you have any children?" she persisted. "I know you're not really that old, but you're old enough to have children. Do you have a wife?"

Jack could have kicked her. Of course she didn't know how her words would hurt.

Daniel swallowed hard. "My wife is dead," he said stiffly.

"Oh." She looked stricken. Her eyes lingered on his unhappy face. "There, I've done it. My father always says I rush in where angels fear to tread. I didn't mean to make you sad at Christmas. My mother is dead, too. She died in the summer, trying to give my father a baby boy. The baby died, too." Maybe that explained Croft's glum manner.

"I'm very sorry," Daniel said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Martha's eyes glittered with unshed tears, and Jack had a pretty good idea that they were for Daniel as well as her mother and little baby brother. "My mother loved Christmas," Martha said softly. Jack wouldn't have heard her if he hadn't been concentrating with all his strength on the conversation. On the other side of the table, Carter and Teal'c couldn't have heard, but they knew something was up. Carter's eyes shot questions at Jack.

"Did your wife love Christmas?" the girl persisted. Jack wanted to upset his plate to distract her.

Daniel shook his head. "No," he said. "She didn't know about it, except what I told her. She was not from Earth. I met her through the Stargate. She tried to give me Christmas in the year we had together, because she knew I missed it, away from Earth. But she didn't understand it, only that I loved it."

"And she loved you," Martha continued. Everybody else tactfully turned their attention away but Jack, on the other side of Martha's father, couldn't do that. He just kept on listening.

"Yes," Daniel said in a hoarse whisper. "She did."

"My mother loved me, and she loved Christmas. When it came this year, I didn't want to be happy. I thought it would be wrong, that I could be happy when she wasn't here. But my father reminded me that she loved this season and she would have wanted me to go on loving it. It would have broken her heart to know I was sad at Christmas because of her. So I'm being happy _for_ my mother. It's not very easy," she confided, sliding her hand into Daniel's and squeezing it. "But I'm being brave because I loved her. Can't you do that, too? She would hate you to be sad for Christmas, just like my mother would."

Daniel swallowed hard. He looked like he wanted to break down and bawl. Jack was afraid he would, there in front of God and everybody, and he knew how much Daniel would hate it.

"I know she would," Daniel said, then he stood up abruptly. "Excuse me." He turned and walked out of the room without looking back.

Jack shook his head at Carter and Teal'c, put his hand on Martha's shoulder to hold her in place, murmured, "It wasn't your fault. It's okay," to the girl, and followed Daniel.

He found the archaeologist standing in front of the skating pond, his face averted to the snow-capped peaks in the distance, the glitter of tears on his cheeks. He was breathing harshly and irregularly as the tears slipped free. At the sound of Jack's footsteps, his head lifted, but he didn't turn to face him. He did bring up embarrassed hands to scrub at his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Jack said quickly.

"No, Jack. She was _right_." Daniel choked back a sob and took a few hard, deep breaths to control himself. "Sha're would hate what I've been doing. She loved life so fiercely. She'd tell me that she was free now and she would hate me to go on grieving like I've been doing. Maybe I don't have her courage...."

"That's crap. You've got more courage than any twenty men." Jack cleared his throat. "Hell, I know where you're coming from. I remember Charlie at Christmas." It still hurt to say the name, to remember, but the girl had been right. He suddenly found he _wanted_ to remember those early, joyous Christmases when he'd been able to be home for the holidays. "I _should_ remember that, the good times. If I don't, I'm shutting away everything good he brought into my life. But I'm just a cranky old Colonel who doesn't always get it right. You don't have to copy me."

"It hurts, Jack."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Me too."

They gazed at each other, then Daniel pulled out a kleenex from his pocket and blew his nose strenuously. "She was right," he said. "Martha. Sha're would kick my butt. Well, that's what she'd mean. She would have hated me to feel sorry for myself. And it isn't even like Christmas was a special time for her. Though she made it one for me on Abydos." He sucked in air. "God, Jack."

O'Neill nodded. He understood fully. He reached out and put his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Hard as hell, isn't it?"

"Yes." Daniel paused. "But those people don't deserve what I just did. They wanted to give us a feast. Sam would want us to enjoy it. Sha're would want me to be happy, and I bet Charlie would have wanted the same for you." He reached up and gripped Jack's shoulders.

Jack tried to look past the heartache to the joy Martha had evidently found in the good memories. Okay, he could do that, too. He thought. Martha hadn't said it was easy, and it wasn't.

"Yeah," he admitted. "Charlie loved it when I was happy at Christmas. If I was grouchy, he'd go out of his way to try to make me smile." God, he never talked about his son. Denying he even existed? Even if it hurt, he couldn't block away the memory of what he'd lost--no, of what he'd _had_ , even if only for a little while. He tried to explain that to Daniel, but it was the kind of thing that didn't come easily. "Taking the coward's way out," he muttered. "Wishing I could forget. But I shouldn't...."

"No," Daniel agreed. "I shouldn't either. Maybe we should...dedicate this Christmas to them."

The words struck a chord with Jack, and he found his mouth curling up into a smile. "You're on the money with that one, Doctor Jackson," he agreed. "We can sorta...back each other up with it, what do you say?"

Daniel nodded. His eyes still glittered, but there was the faintest trace of peace in them.

"Aw, hell, c'mere," Jack muttered and pulled his friend in for a quick hug. Daniel returned it for a second, then they drew apart.

"Guess we better go in again or we'll miss dessert," Jack said hastily as Daniel pulled off his glasses and knuckled his eyes.

"Guess we better." He fell into step with Jack. "Did you hear what she said?" he asked as they started for the town hall. "She said there were _ruins_ here. I can't wait to see them. Do you think we'll be able to get away after dinner?"

Jack groaned. "I think I've just created a monster."

Daniel gave a shaky chuckle. "Jack?"

"Yeah."

"Merry Christmas."

He cocked his finger at the archaeologist. "Right back at ya, Daniel."

And they entered the festive hall ready to take on Christmas on its own terms.

  


* * *

>   
>  © June 10, 2001  
> The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

  


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